Last night, as I flipped through the channels on the TV, I came across one of the greatest movies that came out in the past year, "Friends with Benefits." This story is the tale of two friends that decide to turn their friendship into something a little bit more, but sans emotions. As the title suggests, they decide to be friends with benefits.
While this agreement seems to last, it eventually, of course, includes emotions. Mila Kunis falls in love with Justin Timberlake, who, as any typical guy would be: is clueless (and, is emotionally stubborn: he won't deal with his feelings.) But, as all happy ending movies do, he eventually realizes he loves her.
Kunis always spoke of how she wanted her knight in shining armor to come and rescue her one day (hmm sounds familiar.) So, when Timberlake realizes he loves her, he stages a dramatic romantic moment similar to that in her favorite movie to confess his love.
"You said you wanted to make your life like a movie, so I decided to use the real grand central instead of the fake one" he exclaims when his flash mob sings along to his favorite childhood song in the center of Grand Central Terminal.
Now, if only all men would do these grand gestures, us ladies would be happy.... and our lives would resemble our favorite movies (too bad the real JT cant be the one with the proposal, though.)
But onto the benefits part...
It used to be that if a woman had slept with a multitude of men, she was called a name (slut) or was probably turned away from a potential suitor. Now, though, my generation has flipped this completely upside down (and in turn, offended the fight women back in the day took to gain equal rights and respect not on the basis of sexuality.)
Now, if you have not slept with a significant number of men, you may face being turned down or rejected. Instead of being labeled a "slut" you are seen to these boys (they are not quite men due to their mentality) as too much of a struggle and not an easy lay.
In 2007, about 30% of American men reported that they had sex with on average 15 or more women in their lifetime (and only 9% of women had sex with 15 or more men.)
Something is wrong with these statistics. If you talk to men aged 20-25, the average number of partners they've been with is probably somewhere between 10 and 20. This means, for almost every year of their life, they have had a sexual partner (keep in mind their sexual escapades probably only started 5-7 years ago, though.)
But, who is to blame for my generations behaviors and mentality? Is it our parents who raised us? Social media which allows us to post and share such information readily? The media which portrays sex as something casual and with "no strings attached" (that's a movie title too...)
....or is it us? Is it our generation that allows each other to behave in such a manner?
I have to say, as much as I am frustrated with the male part of my generation I cant help but think it's us as women (or girls) who allow this to happen. Those 15-20 women each man is sleeping with, is letting it happen. She is jumping right into bed along with them.
If only we could all slow down and realize that sex has completely lost its significance. Isn't it supposed to be something shared between two people who love each other and have strong feelings towards one another (and then consummate that love physically) ? Maybe my thinking is out-dated or old fashioned, but to me I just cannot imagine that these partners my peers have are emotionally attached or have any significance.
Maybe we're all to blame for this shift, who knows.
food for thought,
M
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