Friends, Lovers, or Nothing?

We all remember that infamous quote in When Harry Met Sally when Harry and Sally debate whether a man and a woman can be friends. Of course, Sally says they can… and Harry says it’s nearly impossible because at some point the man wants to sleep with the woman. I had a similar debate with someone yesterday.

I have friends of the opposite sex who I am extremely close with. I’d consider them some of my best friends. But, according to most, this won’t last long.  To me, this seems ridiculous and immature… so I decided to do a little research.  (Below is a little snippet of what I found for those interested)

Within these boundaries of gender generalizations, the vast majority of post-pubescent, heterosexual men will invariably have a sexual desirability "reflex" upon seeing a female of reproductive age. Thus the immediate discrimination that a male will make when encountering a female is whether or not he'd like to have sex with her. While some women might acknowledge this sexual "reflex" too, it is likely that they can quickly get past it and focus on the non-sexual aspects of the male with whom they're relating. On the one hand, sperm is physiologically cheap, extremely plentiful, and constantly replenished. Therefore, the more often and diversely a male spreads his sperm the more evolutionally successful he'll be. Ova, on the other hand, are very precious, metabolically expensive, and can not be replenished (a woman is born with all the eggs she'll ever have).Thus women are more able to move beyond the immediate sexual attraction inherent in inter-gender relationships so they can more thoroughly determine the overall suitability of a potential mate. Men, it seems, often have no such long-term agenda so the "one track mind" of sexual interest persists much longer. In general, then, one can say that men are very sexually "reflexive" while women are apt to be more sexually "reflective."

So basically, it’s deeply engrained in us as a member of a specific gender.

But what now? Do I accept the fact that at some point a friend (who is more like a brother to me) will have these feelings whether he decides to disclose them or not? Or, do I just pretend I never read the article and continue being “bff”?

I think that there needs to be an updated version for this day-in-age of male and female friends. Back when women remained in the home, there might have been a different sentiment if they were off being "friendly" with other men other than their significant other. Today, when women are  prominent figures in the workplace AND the home, it seems as if times are changing.

Just a thought to ponder on a warm sunny day.

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing (as John Mayer would say..)

M