I'm Alive! I'm Alive!

So, I havent posted in a while maybe because my social life is just so wild (ha!) or beause I am totally committed to my internship and can't seem to find time to not be thinking or working towards it (this, is true. . . sadly.)

But, when I came across this article, I had to repost it. Read it peeps. Have fun. It's fabulous.

I'll be back soon to post about love, life, and other mysteries.

XO,
Melissa

Those three words are said too much, its not enough.

Listen in when people around you say goodbye on the phone, and more often than not, they say "love you" or "love ya" or some other version  of the phrase. Sure it could be to their husband, child, parent, etc. but it also tends to be to a friend (either girl or boy) or someone other than a family member.

In relationships, when you say that first "I love you" it can be really nerve-wracking... but is also considered a huge turning point in a relationship. I know that when I've said it it's been a scary emotional experience but that is intended to express the emotions that are running through my head. And, girls love to gossip about who said "I love you" first, how it was said, and do you feel the same way towards the guy. It seems as if the guy is always supposed to express it first.

I agree saying I love you can be a big deal and definitely has emotional baggage, but as of recent I've been pondering the thought of whether those three words are enough. After listening to friend's countless breakups and heartaches I can't help but wonder if those three words can oftentimes be used to stand in for genuine emotion and affection.

I'd rather spend time with a loved one and see how much they care about me (and show them how much I care for them) rather than just tell them "I love you." It is much easier to say a sentence than demonstrate true emotions which gets to the core of things.

And back to my issue with social media and texting.... if we are constantly saying "love ya" and "I love you" on wall posts, via text, and through other forms of social media, are we abusing those terms? Are we just throwing around the words that are supposed to demonstrate and replicate an emotion that should be one of the strongest?

I think we need to stop using the three word phrase so casually and show those who we love (whether its a SO, family member, etc) how much we love them before just blurting out words.

So, here's to showing those who you love how much you really love them, and hoping they can do the same in return!

love.love.love
M

post title stolen from : this great song

Sex... or Chocolate?!

Found something interesting online and thought I'd pass it along...

An online survey, which examined how singles feel about food and its relationship to dating, was conducted by TODAY.com and Match.com. Four thousand singles participated, answering questions about their dating habits, turn-ons and turn-offs.

And now to my favorite finding (and the core of this blog post)....

When asked if someone would rather give up food or sex for a year, those people who said they would choose to keep food over sex said they'd do it for only two favorite items:  Chocolate cake was number one. Number two? A big steak!

...who doesnt want this?!

In the same study, over 90 percent of male participants said that a dinner date is perfect when you're starting to see someone…. (someone tell me where these guys are!)

check out the full article here.

enjoy :)
m

Not Lonely, Just Alone

Have you ever been there? Someone asks you if you have a significant other or if you’re dating anyone… and you have to answer “no.”

 Now, there are some ways to say that no, for example: “no I actually just got over a relationship so I’m taking some time for myself” or “I’m loving being single, actually”… but no matter the answer, the person then looks at you with pity as if being single is really sad and that your life may not be as joyous or love-filled as others who may answer that question with “yes.”

The Pity Face: also known as a look of genuine concern, as if something is absolutely wrong with you. Like you've just admitted you have some illness or disease that’s incurable. (Usually is associated with “don’t worry, you’ll meet someone someday” or “it’s ok, you just haven’t found the right guy yet!”)

Why is that? Is it that terrible to be alone? Or do people just assume If you’re alone that must mean you either cannot find a compatible partner or you are in fact not compatible with others yourself? Apparently they believe you’re that sad character scooping huge chunks of ice cream out of the container in your oldest sweat pants in front of the television alone on a Saturday night…. I’m pretty sure their pity is a reassurance in a narcissistic way that the person responding to your singleness is secretly happy that… they are not you.

But, prove them wrong—little do they know, your Saturday nights are just as fun (if not more fun… hey! you get to hit on multiple men...) than theirs are.

As much as I would love to have a boyfriend and someone to call mine, this past year of being single has been one of the greatest times of my life. I have learned more about myself and who I am than I ever expected. And going on dates and learning to find conversation topics with even the duds you might be stuck grabbing drinks with, is a great learning tool (and a great way to get free drinks, food, and tickets to entertainment events... hehe!)

But back to the whole pity thing. There are three ways to deal with it:

1)      get angry and defend yourself for being single and how it’s by choice

2)      complain and say how horrible it is and how you just want to find someone already

3)      tell the person that the look on their face is offensive and call them out for their judgment

None of the three are guaranteed to work, but are probably the options you have as a single person receiving the dreaded “pity face.”

So, next time someone asks you if you have a significant other, try one of the three above, or simply respond with “I’m not lonely, I’m alone.”

alone, but having lots of fun...

M

“True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.”

So last night while watching Wedding Crashers for the 100^th time, I came across a scene where Owen Wilson tries to woo Rachel McAdams with a corny love quote. His sole intention at first is to get in bed with her, until he realizes that he seems to genuinely want to get to know her (and even more-so once he figures out that she has a boyfriend.) And, she eats it right up… and even uses his corny quote in her speech as the MOH in her sister’s wedding.

“True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.”

While this is a silly movie, this quote stuck with me.

In the study of communications, it has been found that in fact opposites do not attract. While many would argue against this, it has been statistically proven that at first maybe opposites do attract like a magnet, but eventually a relationship between people who are drastically different will fall apart or deteriorate.

Why? You may ask…

Well, in order to be compatible with someone, it seems you must have enough in common (whether it be morals, political viewpoints, etc) in order to get along. (Think of that one person you cannot stand, and why you cannot stand them… probably because they have different viewpoints than you have.)

On the surface, some people may seem to be opposites and have a very functional relationship. Take my parents, for example… mom’s type-A, and pretty serious, while dad’s the typical jokester. But, deep down they have very similar views on a multitude of subjects. And whala! Great relationship.

For those who would argue “well I’m sooo different from the person I’m dating and we are in love” that’s a lie. Eventually you’ll realize you have more in common than you believe you originally did, and that is what the driving force is behind the success of the relationship.

But now, back to the quote.

First off, I love the quote. I feel that it epitomizes what I’ve tried to say about love all along: that something inside you just feels it. Something realizes that the other person is right for you, belongs with you, and is meant for you. Yes, corny as always, but hey! Just go with it. Sometimes you need that other person to complete you… to finish your sentences… to just be around.

So, my soul will continue to be on the hunt for its counterpoint, so that one day, it is complete.

Until then,

M

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing?

We all remember that infamous quote in When Harry Met Sally when Harry and Sally debate whether a man and a woman can be friends. Of course, Sally says they can… and Harry says it’s nearly impossible because at some point the man wants to sleep with the woman. I had a similar debate with someone yesterday.

I have friends of the opposite sex who I am extremely close with. I’d consider them some of my best friends. But, according to most, this won’t last long.  To me, this seems ridiculous and immature… so I decided to do a little research.  (Below is a little snippet of what I found for those interested)

Within these boundaries of gender generalizations, the vast majority of post-pubescent, heterosexual men will invariably have a sexual desirability "reflex" upon seeing a female of reproductive age. Thus the immediate discrimination that a male will make when encountering a female is whether or not he'd like to have sex with her. While some women might acknowledge this sexual "reflex" too, it is likely that they can quickly get past it and focus on the non-sexual aspects of the male with whom they're relating. On the one hand, sperm is physiologically cheap, extremely plentiful, and constantly replenished. Therefore, the more often and diversely a male spreads his sperm the more evolutionally successful he'll be. Ova, on the other hand, are very precious, metabolically expensive, and can not be replenished (a woman is born with all the eggs she'll ever have).Thus women are more able to move beyond the immediate sexual attraction inherent in inter-gender relationships so they can more thoroughly determine the overall suitability of a potential mate. Men, it seems, often have no such long-term agenda so the "one track mind" of sexual interest persists much longer. In general, then, one can say that men are very sexually "reflexive" while women are apt to be more sexually "reflective."

So basically, it’s deeply engrained in us as a member of a specific gender.

But what now? Do I accept the fact that at some point a friend (who is more like a brother to me) will have these feelings whether he decides to disclose them or not? Or, do I just pretend I never read the article and continue being “bff”?

I think that there needs to be an updated version for this day-in-age of male and female friends. Back when women remained in the home, there might have been a different sentiment if they were off being "friendly" with other men other than their significant other. Today, when women are  prominent figures in the workplace AND the home, it seems as if times are changing.

Just a thought to ponder on a warm sunny day.

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing (as John Mayer would say..)

M

Closing Time, Time for You to Go Out to the Places You Will Be From

To keep with the optimism I seem to have captured in this blog, I decided to use Semisonic’s 1998 hit, “Closing Time.” First, if you haven’t heard it, here ya go (listen to it…. But then come back!) :

Regardless of your interpretation of the lyrics of this song, there is one resonating quote towards the end of the song that most people my age either title a Facebook album or use as a way to express some sort of false sentimental value, but actually means a lot more than just its nine words.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

I’ve touched briefly on the subject before, but I believe the lyrics interpretation hold true. Sometimes, even when things seem to be going wrong or it seems as if everything is slipping away from your fingertips, that’s just the beginning of something else. Have you ever had that moment where you feel as if you’re down in the dumps, and then something miraculous happens? You may not realize it at the time, but you reflect later and see how that ending led to something else. Sometimes when one door closes, another opens, is a similar mentality.

While I admit, it’s hard to think this way in the moment, if we all could take a step back and think this way it might benefit us all. Thinking that with everything bad that happens a good thing might come of it might be a little bit TOO optimistic, but why not.

For example, when you break up with that guy who you thought was “the one” who made your heart melt, who made you giddy every time he smiled at you…yeah, your life will suck for a little while, and you might be completely miserable… but eventually you’re not, and you move on, and you’re ok. And it’s at that moment where you realize what about that fantastic person wasn’t so fantastic… or, what you want from the next person you embark on a relationship with. You learn who you are, what your needs are, and how some of that amazing stuff was probably created in your head because of the love that blinded you from seeing maybe the “real truth.”

But, it applies to everything in life besides love, although we all know that’s my favorite topic. When you graduate or when you move past one phase of your life, new things happen. You meet new people, learn more about yourself, and continue to constantly grow and shape and mature into the person that you were meant to be.  Some people may say it is some higher power … but I think it’s a little bit of fate.

Everyone has a destiny, and all of those ups and downs ultimately lead them to reach it… no matter how rough the going gets, or how tough it seems to me… I have faith we all end up where we are supposed to be.

Waiting, hoping, wishing,

M

Updating the Fairytale

I have been told that the way I think about love is either from a movie (yes its true) or some sort of fairytale that according to most, will never come true. But, I’m going to reject that theory. While I may have thought about that “fairytale” differently when I was younger, I have constantly been updating it.

Who’s to say that it has to stay the same your whole life?

I recently looked up the definition of fairytale and came across this one: a story in which improbable events lead to a happy ending. But, why does it have to be improbable? If you dictate your own life, and you choose the paths that you ultimately take, cant your dreams still come true? No, I’m not talking about a prince showing up in a horse drawn carriage and waltzing over to me bending down on one knee and miraculously producing a 5 carat ring from his pants pocket, although that’d be kind of nice, I’m talking about the adult updated version of that story.

For those of you who are married, isn’t your hubby your prince charming? Didn’t he rescue you from a life of solitude? He may not look like a prince from a Disney movie and may not always say or do the right things, but he’s the guy who loves you unconditionally, is there through the good and the bad, and is a built in best friend. While your life may not look like Cinderella’s (after she is rescued by the prince,) it is your version of a fairytale. Your updated adult mature version.

We need to erase the dictionary definition of fairytale and replace it with, “when a set of events leads to a happy ending.” It doesn’t need to involve fairies or childhood stories, but it can involve the events of your life that ultimately lead to your happiness. It is a more optimistic version.

If we walk around with the mentality that fairytales are childish and improbable, where will that leave us? Probably without the happy endings, and without the happiness we so deserve.

Maybe my thought process is childish for believing in these fairytales, like small children believe in Santa Claus. But, when we were little we were always taught to dream big and discuss our life aspirations and goals. Isn’t this the same thing?

I was talking to my mom yesterday when she assured me that I shouldn’t worry and that one day I would find a man. My response, “I know I will.” I am not cocky, I am just optimistic. I am waiting for prince charming even if he arrives in a simple car with simple clothes, and not perfectly glued hair like the Disney princes I grew up looking at.

Always a princess,

M

Friends with Benefits.... Or Just Benefits?

Last night, as I flipped through the channels on the TV, I came across one of the greatest movies that came out in the past year, "Friends with Benefits." This story is the tale of two friends that decide to turn their friendship into something a little bit more, but sans emotions. As the title suggests, they decide to be friends with benefits. 


While this agreement seems to last, it eventually, of course, includes emotions. Mila Kunis falls in love with Justin Timberlake, who, as any typical guy would be: is clueless (and, is emotionally stubborn: he won't deal with his feelings.) But, as all happy ending movies do, he eventually realizes he loves her.

Kunis always spoke of how she wanted her knight in shining armor to come and rescue her one day (hmm sounds familiar.) So, when Timberlake realizes he loves her, he stages a dramatic romantic moment similar to that in her favorite movie to confess his love.


"You said you wanted to make your life like a movie, so I decided to use the real grand central instead of the fake one" he exclaims when his flash mob sings along to his favorite childhood song in the center of Grand Central Terminal.


Now, if only all men would do these grand gestures, us ladies would be happy.... and our lives would resemble our favorite movies (too bad the real JT cant be the one with the proposal, though.)


But onto the benefits part...


It used to be that if a woman had slept with a multitude of men, she was called a name (slut) or was probably turned away from a potential suitor. Now, though, my generation has flipped this completely upside down (and in turn,  offended the fight women back in the day took to gain equal rights and respect not on the basis of sexuality.)


Now, if you have not slept with a significant number of men, you may face being turned down or rejected. Instead of being labeled a "slut" you are seen to these boys (they are not quite men due to their mentality) as too much of a struggle and not an easy lay.


In 2007, about  30% of American men reported that they had sex with on average 15 or more women in their lifetime (and only 9% of women had sex with 15 or more men.)


Something is wrong with these statistics. If you talk to men aged 20-25, the average number of partners they've been with is probably somewhere between 10 and 20. This means, for almost every year of their life, they have had a sexual partner (keep in mind their sexual escapades probably only started 5-7 years ago, though.)


But, who is to blame for my generations behaviors and mentality? Is it our parents who raised us? Social media which allows us to post and share such information readily? The media which portrays sex as something casual and with "no strings attached" (that's a movie title too...) 


....or is it us? Is it our generation that allows each other to behave in such a manner?


I have to say, as much as I am frustrated with the male part of my generation I cant help but think it's us as women (or girls) who allow this to happen. Those 15-20 women each man is sleeping with, is letting it happen. She is jumping right into bed along with them.


If only we could all slow down and realize that sex has completely lost its significance. Isn't it supposed to be something shared between two people who love each other and have strong feelings towards one another (and then consummate that love physically) ? Maybe my thinking is out-dated or old fashioned, but to me I just cannot imagine that these partners my peers have are emotionally attached or have any significance.


Maybe we're all to blame for this shift, who knows.

food for thought,
M