That One True Love...

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” - Bob Marley


While this quote is long, and I'm sure not everyone reading this read the whole thing, it is the perfect explanation of what not only I hope to find, but know I someday will.


What saddens me is that most girls do not have this belief that not only are they worthy of a man that feels that way about them but also that they will never find one anyways. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic and believe in all the fairy tales, but I really do believe that's a better way to live. When friends tell me that they cant seem to find the right guy (or vent that they never will) I cant help but wonder why they think that. Why do they believe Mr. Fictitious Man who they have created in their head will never find them and if and when he does, that he will think she isn't good enough for him?


I don't look in the mirror every day and think I'm perfect. I don't love the extra fat in a few unnamed places or the occasional blemish that pops up on my face. But, deep down I love myself. I love that I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone. I love that I have the ability to talk to people older than me. I love that I live my life the way I want to live it. And no, I am not a narcissist (although the last few sentences would lead you to believe so,) I have just found a way to love myself for both my great attributes and my pitfalls. I can recognize the things I dislike about myself and attempt to change them. And, that is the first step.


Unless you love yourself, you cannot love anyone else ... and they cannot love you either.  This is something I wish every girl in their late teens and early twenties could realize. You may be happy when you are in a relationship, but one of the most important relationships of all is the one you have with yourself. Learning to love yourself is life-changing.


When I went through my last breakup, I thought the world was crashing down upon me. I hadn't really been "single" for an extended period of time since, well, since too long. I was lost. I didn't know how I'd survive or what I'd fill my free time doing. Someone wise gave me the advice to spend the time getting to know myself. At the time, I laughed it off and thought "obviously I know myself. It's me." But, I really didn't and now looking back, I know what they meant. I have definitely matured over the course of the last year ... and I owe thanks to myself. Yes, myself. Of course there were people and experiences along the way that assisted this growth, but committing to getting to know myself and not jumping into another relationship was the best thing that I could have ever done. I know now what I like and dislike. I know now what I want out of life. I know now who I am and who I want to one day be.


My advice to girls my age: spend a little time alone. You may be lonely at times (I'm not going to say its all fun and dandy) but it's worth it. One day you'll look back as I am and say "wow, that was something I really needed to do for myself." Trust me, its worth it.


Now, onto finding my next love... because enough is enough, and I'm done with dating me.


Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

M

"Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable." – Wizard of Oz

Well, that quote says it all. We’ve all been through a breakup, and well, let’s just say it’s not exactly a fun thing to have to go through.  The idea of your heart being broken is a weird one. Hearts do physically break… that’s what cardiologists are for, but what about the emotional tearing of a heart? That seems to be something that no medicine, surgery, or even venting can fix. I guess a broken heart just needs some time to mend and to move on.

Ask anyone, and they will tell you they have that one breakup story that shook them completely. Whether they were dumped, broke it off with the other person, or it was mutual—love is a funny thing. What makes the heart feel such strong emotions for someone else? I’ve always pondered the thought. Is it really your heart that hurts? Is that aching really that blood pumping muscle that keeps you alive? I’m not really sure, but what I do know is that something inside you is torn when you lose a loved one.

Falling in love is something extraordinary. Your eyes may not lock across a room like in a frilly chick flick, but that heated emotion you feel when you realize it, is better than a “love at first sight” movie scene. Your heart throbs, you can’t wipe that ridiculous smile off your face, and you suddenly experience the Mean Girl’s coined term “word vomit” about the other person. Your life has suddenly taken a turn for the better, and has just brightened a little bit. Sometimes, you may even want to scream to the world, “I Love Him!”

So, how is it possible that those feelings can just go away? Forever…. Even if it takes time to get to that place. What makes the switch inside change from love to hate, or love to nothing? It’s a bizarre thing, that thing called love.

You love your parents. That’s an innate emotion. You couldn’t imagine anything bad happening to them, and if it does- your world ends. Where does that start? Does it start when as a baby you come out screaming covered in goo? Does it start once you have a better understanding of the world? And how does that emotion relate to that of a romantic relationship?

Every love song is about love and loss (or at least some version of that… country includes a dog and truck and losing them both…) and I can’t help but wonder if we’ve all gone through it, and continue to go through it, then why? Why do we have to. Is there any solution to the inevitable heartbreak?

Here’s to hoping there’s less heartbreak in the future…

I am no tin man (see title if you don't understand this.)

M

Nora Ephron Said It. Part 2

Let's just say, if Nora Ephron says it... you can't really deny it.

I have oftentimes been criticized for my wanting to just "start my life" already. What this means- is get a job, find a man, get married, and live a married life (eat, drink, and be married... sounds pretty nice, huh?) I have been told to slow down, enjoy the moment, not rush my young adult years.

But, what if I feel as if "THE" years haven't begun yet? To some, they may be college and partying and doing activities irresponsible young adults may partake in, but to me they will be walking down the aisle, being with my new husband, making a home and life together, and one day having babies (as disgusting as I currently think babies are.)

Nora Ephron once said, "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 

So, peeps reading this... That is how I feel, I just haven't met the guy yet who will whisk me away and make my heart melt. This is my mentality, this is who I am, and I'm proud of it.

 I'm "knot in love" but someday very soon I will be, and then my life as a hopeless romantic will begin and I will start living it.

for better or for worse,

M

I don't want to be in love... I want to be in love in a movie

I’ve oftentimes been told that I am very similar to Annie in Sleepless in Seattle. Becky (Rosie O’Donnell) yells at Annie, her best friend, when Annie is describing what she wants out of her love life after watching a chick flick, “that's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.” This could not be more accurate for me. But then again, who doesn’t want a head-over-heels-can’t-live-without-you romance in their life?

Nora Ephron sadly passed away at the young age of 71 due to leukemia.  For those of you who may not know her films, she is responsible for Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, and a multitude of the romantic movies that I have grown up vicariously living my life through. These movies depict messy, intense, heart-wrenching relationships that somehow seem to always pull on my heartstrings and get me to cry.

Whether its Annie and Sam’s relationship fate, or Harry and Sally’s insane friendship which turns into an intense love, or Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly’s internet relationship which turns into a great love, these movies taught me about romance and fairytales in even the most dysfunctional relationships. I aspire to be those old couples at the end of When Harry Met Sally arguing about how me and my hubby met, who asked who out, etc (but I’d prefer to marry Joe Fox… he has a golden retriever he brings to the park in You’ve Got Mail.)

So, to show appreciation to Nora Ephron and the amazing love stories she created which helped shape my love for love, here are some of my favorite Nora Ephron movie quotes:

Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours. – 'When Harry Met Sally

Harry Burns: No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. 

– 'When Harry Met Sally'

All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.

– 'When Harry Met Sally'

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."  - "When Harry Met Sally"

 

Harry: "Would you like to have dinner? Just friends."

Sally:  "I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends."

Harry: "When did I say that?"

Sally:  "On the ride to New York."

Harry: "No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends." -- "When Harry Met Sally"

And once again, my all time favorite…

Annie: "Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was..." Beckie:  "A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie." – “Sleepless in Seattle"

in love, in a movie.

M

Quiz Time Thanks to TheKnot.com

During my spare time I decided to take a few quizzes on TheKnot.com to see my bridal IQ as well as what type of bride I'll be. To tell you the truth, I'm really not surprised at all.

Dear Future Husband,
Here are my quiz results. Beware, enjoy, and play along.... it's going to be fun.


Bridezilla Quiz Results
You're a Handler: Wedding planning might not be taking over your life, but you understand that it does require organization -- if you're going to spend money on flowers and food, you want to make sure that it's done right. Still, you're a bride in balance: In the end, you know the day will be great, but it doesn't have to be "perfect." So you give your bridesmaids direction but also cut them some slack; you convey a clear vision to the vendors but are flexible. And you're planning your wedding day with your fiance because you know this relationship is what it's all about, not registries and centerpieces.

Whats Your Wedding Etiquette IQ? Results
You're an etiquette ace. Rock on with your bridal self, girlfriend! You're the person that everyone goes to when they're planning their weddings -- so planning your own is a no-brainer, and it shows. But since nothing is set in stone and (with weddings) anything can happen, you should keep up with your planning information. Weddings are deeply entrenched in etiquette and, like everything else, it's better to know the rules before you decide to break them.

What's Your Proposal Style? Results
You want a public proposal: Whenhe proposes to you, you want the world (or at least a part of it) to know! Ask me to marry you on stage at a concert or show, or find a way to pop the question to me on live TV. However you decide to do it, just make sure there's a crowd -- the more cheers, the better. Extra points for you if all of her friends and family are there to see it.

Dating Now-a-Days

Dating dat·ing [ dáyting ]  : the activity of going on dates: the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner

I think I was born in the wrong generation.

When Grandma & Grandpa were younger, you went on a few dates (the guy called you, picked you up, paid for you, etc) and then you either realized they were the one... or they weren't. And it was done. There was no Facebook or Twitter to see what the person was up to (or stalk what people of the opposite sex they showed up in pictures with.) You went on a date, you spoke about whatever topics interested you, you maybe kissed goodnight, and then you waited for a phone call.

My grandparents got married after just a mere month or less together. Now, that's my kind of relationship! (Dude, where are you?!)

Today, dating is a dying trend.

Boys are more likely to pick you up drunkenly in a bar than actually get up the courage to take you to dinner. Living in NYC, my eyes have been opened up to the somewhat dating scene, but after drinks and potentially one or two dinner dates, the boys all resort to the same thing: trying to "hang out." I'll leave out the implications of what "hanging out" means because I'm sure you're all well educated enough to know what that implies (synonymous with "hooking up" is my only hint.)

Girls are the ones allowing all of this to happen, though. Those girls who give in to these boys are saying "yes, what you're doing is acceptable." And, half the time, these girls go home to their girlfriends complaining that a guy doesn't call or doesn't treat her the way she wants to be treated. But, we must demand respect to a certain extent, and practice it on our own bodies. In sum: a boy is going to jump to 2nd base if you let him.

With all of the texting and social media that is involved with relationships, it's no wonder there seem to be more instances of cheating, lying, and other issues that arise. Instead of picking up the phone if someone is upset, they resort to sending "cold" or "period-filled" text messages to get a point across, instead of actually saying what's upsetting them.

It's been said that social media is changing our world (most assume for the better.... instantaneous communication, worldwide communication, the spread of information etc) but what about the other side effects? What about the fact that with a click of a button someone can send a text message that they may have never said in person... or may never have sent had they waited two minutes to think through their response.This generation needs to use social media and these readily available forms of communication and put them to good use, but in the right contexts.

FYI Gentlemen: when you're trying to pursue a lady, don't text her. Call her. Ask her how her day was. You may come to see she is much more interesting and enjoyable once you actually know her (instead of jumping into bed.)

And, that is my rambling of my frustrations with my generation, and how I wish I was born in the 1930's :)

eat. drink. and one day married
M

stories always have a beginning

According to my mom, at the young age of a preschooler, I was already coming home deciding not only who I was going to marry and the wedding song that I’d walk down the aisle to (can you feel the love tonight) but I also had a ring on my ring finger from the boy who I was calling my boyfriend.


Maybe it’s because my older sister dressed me in the wedding gown her “My-Sized Barbie” was supposed to wear (poor Barbie lay naked in the corner somewhere) or maybe it was just some bridal gene within me trying to get out. Regardless, that’s where this story, my story, starts.

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to get married. But, normally when girls say this they mean the glitz and glamor of an event. The party, the cocktails, the dress, the ring… the list goes on. For me, though, it’s definitely about those things (I’d be lying if I said that those didn’t matter) but it’s also about so much more. It’s about that fairytale idea of happily ever after: finding that one who you’ll spend the rest of your life with until you’re, well, saggy and probably not too good looking anymore regardless of how many face and eye creams you may apply at night (sorry ladies.)

Recently I told my mom I was going to buy myself a huge rock (well, with dad’s money probably) and when people asked who and where my hubby to be was, I’d reply that he’s just a little lost, and looking for me (of course.) But, reality has set in that I will be a bride-to-be for just a few more years, and that hopefully someday soon I’ll be walking down the aisle saying my “I-Do”… but definitely not to “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.”

This blog will capture the moments leading up to that time when I find “the one” following my road to find love. The ups and downs, trials and errors, and insane wedding planning (I do, afterall, have a summer internship at THE wedding website/magazine which will not be named here… and which definitely fuels the fire to my insane addiction.)

enjoy. live. love.

M